


Him

by PeachyDae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Dogs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Multi, Muteness, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 18:12:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10747101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyDae/pseuds/PeachyDae
Summary: Not Him please not Him. There’s a blaring noise and my room is suddenly full of people but it doesn’t matter as He is breathing down my neck, He is touching my skin, burning it with his hands. I am stuck and He is right next to me holding me here pressing his fingers into my wrists, forcing my eyelids to close.





	Him

**Author's Note:**

> 1/2 of the KaiSoo fics (this is the Kai portion).
> 
> I've been writing this for awhile actually but haven't gotten around to polishing it and it may be a shaky read so, this is how it goes.  
> The italics, are Jongin's time with Chanyeol (so it's his past) and reads from the last time to the first time they ever met.  
> The normal text is "now" and is read as normal.
> 
> I hope this clears up any confusion you may have while reading this!
> 
>  
> 
> Next, I'm going to slap a trigger warning here for abuse and depressing topics. Please if you are not comfortable with reading this, DON'T READ IT!
> 
> Lastly, if you or someone you know is going through something like this, tell someone and get them to safety.
> 
> Please enjoy and feel free to leave comments!

_ “Pass this to Jongin.” Voices whispered behind me. I kept my head down, nose tucked in my father’s tattered copy of The Chosen. It was probably just another note calling me faggot, ballerina boy, or dirty or something like that. I sighed and turned my page attempting to tune out the students. Their jeers and taunts got louder and louder but stopped as the teacher, Mr. Lee, stormed in. _

_ “My apologizes for being late everyone, there was severe traffic from an acci- JONGIN PUT THAT BOOK DOWN WE ALL KNOW YOU CAN’T READ!” I winced and did as I was told and curled inward as they began to laugh. A hand touched my shoulder and I looked over to see the class president Park Chanyeol rubbing my back soothingly. Then, there was a knock on the door. The stout secretary that resided in the main office stepped into the classroom, her face blotchy and her eye makeup runny.  _

_ “WHAT NOW?!? DON’T YOU SEE I AM TRYING TO START A CLASS??” Shakingly, she held out a light purple slip. Mr. Lee snatched the pass from her hand and scanned it, his usual sharp, angry features softening. Quietly, he walked through the rows, stopping at my desk. I gulped and looked up. He handed it to me murmuring a soft, “I’m sorry Jongin,” before turning on his heel and walking back to the front of the room. I could feel my breathing pick up as I skimmed the note, tears threatening to spill over my eyes. _

_ “Jongin, I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol whispered to me but I could barely hear it over the ringing in my ears and the pain beating through my chest. I stand and take off my bookbag still unzipped and the contents spilling out as I ran. _

 

My mother keeps pushing food at me but I just stare at it, there’s no need to eat.

“So, Jongin,” My sister says uncomfortably, clearing her throat. I glance up at her and she smiles slightly. “Are you going to Rahee’s party? Four is a big age to turn.” I glance at my niece who was currently shoving mashed banana into her mouth. I nod but don’t say anything. My sister smiles and it’s beautiful, like sun bouncing off of frosted icicles on a clear mid-winter morning. My phone buzzes in my pocket, reminding me to make my medication. I reach into my hoodie and pull out the medicine divider. I open Tuesday’s tab and then dump the contents into my hand.

It’s an array of colors against my skin. White, red, blue, green, a light beige. In some ways, it’s beautiful. I pour them into my mouth, grimacing at the taste, but swallow them down anyways. My mother watches me with concern. She’s always concerned when it comes to my health.

 

_ My father’s funeral came as quick as they had cleared the wreckage of his car away. My mother and sister wept, the latter clinging to her boyfriend as she sobbed. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t. All I did was clutch that old book to my chest, my father’s favorite, and run my finger down the creased spine. I stayed behind as my aunts and uncles led my mother and sister away. I looked down at my hands. _

_ “I’m sorry I wasn’t a better son,” I whispered into the empty air before approaching the casket. I laid the book down, tear-stained cover faceup. _

_ Weeks later, I was lying in bed, my back turned to the door, and my puppies curled up against my side when my sister walked in. _

_ “Jongie, mom made some soup.” I can hear the thick worry in her voice as she walks across my floor. “She wants you to come eat with us.” My stomach growled at the thought of food but I ignored it. She sighed and closed my door. I closed my eyes and could feel the tears slip down my cheeks. My door opened again but this time the person didn’t speak. Instead, they ripped open my curtain and tore my blanket off of my body. I sat up angry only to see Park Chanyeol standing next to my bed, his eyebrows furrowed and my blanket wrapped in his arms. _

_ “Jongin, you need to get up and eat.” He said tone assertive and authoritative. I shook my head and moved to lay back down but he grabbed my waist and picked me up easily carrying me down the steps. He sat me at the kitchen table where my mother took my appearance in. _

_ “Oh Jongin,” She cooed softly, pushing my matted fringe from my eyes. A bowl of hot soup is laid in front of me and I’m being lifted again. Chanyeol sets me down in his lap and holds out a spoon full of the steaming liquid. _

_ “Please eat Jongin, you’re getting so skinny and it worries me.” He murmurs so I eat; for him. _

 

The apartment I own is small and orderly. I had free time on my hand to clean and keep it nice and organized. My room was bare, the only thing that I had on my walls was a photo of Rahee at her second birthday party. It was the first social event I had been to for 6 years. It was terrifying. I go into the kitchen and begin to cook some pork, the meat sizzling in the pan, filled my kitchen with a hearty aroma and it made my stomach growl.

 

_ It happens slowly but I eventually pull myself together enough to go back to school but Chanyeol doesn’t leave. In fact, he’s closer than ever constantly shadowing me with his tall slender form. When the kids in class pass me notes he snatches them and throws them away. He shields me at lunch from the garbage and food that gets thrown in my direction. For once in my life, someone other than my family is caring for me and it makes me smile every time his lips press against my cheek. _

_ “I love you Jongin,” He whispers to me in the darkness of the night and he brushes his fingers through my hair and massages my thighs and back after dance practice. _

 

Rahee smiles as she plays with the stuffed puppy I gifted her. I’m sitting quietly at their kitchen table, trying not to draw attention to myself when they pass out cake. My sister is happy, holding her squealing baby and blushing sweetly when her husband kisses her cheek.   
I was going to have that. A loving husband, precious children, a few more dogs. I swallow back tears. I miss them.

 

_ By the end of my senior year, Chanyeol had asked me out properly, after asking for mother’s permission of course. He took me out to a very nice restaurant and after, we went to a park where he bought me a hot tea. I took a sip of it and hummed as warmth spread through me. Then, my eyesight went blurry and I make out Chanyeol’s form. He looked like a giant. As he got closer, I could see his smile. It appeared different almost menacing. My head hit the ground and the last thing I remember is Chanyeol lifting me from the ground. _

_ When I woke, I was in my room the blankets were tucked to my chin and a bottle of water and a granola bar were sitting next to my bed. I blinked away the haze and tried to focus on the creaking of my fan. I sat up, wincing from pain that shot up my spine. I limped downstairs and saw my mother pouring Chanyeol a cup of tea. He turned to me and his face was blotchy and his eyes were red. _

_ “Oh Jongin, Chanyeol told us everything. I’m so sorry honey.” She cooed. I looked at her confused and he squeezed my hand. _

_ “You were attacked, love. I found you on the ground beaten when I came back to give you some warm tea.” I looked down at my hands trying to recall exactly what happened but my mind drew blank. _

 

I walk through the streets my eyes on the sidewalk until a soft yapping noise grabs my attention. A small, curly-haired puppy comes bounding up to me and sniffs my legs. I smile a little and bend down to scoop it up. It licks my cheek and wiggles in my hold. The dog, a boy, is tagless and has a small gash on his underbelly. I take a quick glance around before tucking him into my hoodie.

 

_ After graduation, I decided to move into an apartment with Chanyeol and my three dogs. My mother as a housewarming gift gave us my grandmother’s precious china set. It glittered and gleamed in the bronzey glass cabinet I displayed it in. I also began to dance again and started to take classes for a possible dance/performance major. Finally, I was on my way to healing. _

 

I fix the puppy a plate of leftover pork and crouch down next to him, smiling and gently petting his head. He eats quickly, licks the plate, then licks my hand, deep brown eyes twinkling. I remove my sweatshirt, my ratty t-shirt hanging on my body. The puppy yawns and curls up in the hoodie before falling asleep.

 

_ Something in Chanyeol changed. He was out more and always making up an excuse not to come home. I was worried but brushed it off knowing he was a grown adult he could make his own decisions. After a while, he would begin to stumble into the home in the early hours of the morning, his speech slurred and eyebrows furrowed together in anger. I was sleeping in our bed when he came in and turned on the light. _

_ “Get up bitch,” He growled and stood in the doorway. I squinted at the brightness and the tags on my dogs’ collars rattled as they too woke up. _

_ “Chan, what’s wrong?” I asked the heels of my hands rubbing away the sleep from my eyes. Suddenly, a hand wrapped around my throat.  I gasped as I fell on the floor. Chanyeol stood over me and his fists and feet beat and kicked me until I was out in the hallway. _

_ “Dumb slut,” He snarled and slammed the door in my face. _

 

“Jongin-ah, don't forget to lock up when you’re finished okay?”  I nod. It’s nights like this that make me grateful that I helped Mrs. Park all those years ago. Mrs. Park was a kind elderly woman who owned a bakery in the shop next to my apartment. When he would come home, I’d always escape to her place and help her clean. After everything happened, she told me that her store used to be a dance studio. She often reminds me of how the mention of my old trait brings a light back into my eyes and how my skin glows a little so, on some nights, she lets me stay after hours, push all the chairs and tables aside, and lets me dance to my heart’s content.

 

_ “What was that?” He growls, yanking my hair. I bite my lip to avoid crying out. _

_ “D-did you not like it?” He pushes me down and I frown at the sight of the rip in my dance leggings. _

_ “You call that dancing? My grandmother could turn better in her grave than that! I want you out. No more dance classes. I’m not wasting anymore time on that.” I can feel my heart shatter. _

_ “But Chanyeol I-” _

_ “No buts, either you go in there and tell that bastard man you call a teacher you’re done, or I’ll do it for you.” Tears prickle in my eyes and I nod, pulling myself to my feet and dusting my black pants off. _

 

I sit in my mom’s living room, the puppy sitting at my feet quietly. My mom, seems pleased with the puppy and asks for it’s name. I ponder it and then write it on a slip of paper.

“Monggu?” I nod and she smiles at me. I muster as much as I can and she kisses my head. “Are you hungry, dear? I can make you a snack?” I nod again and she begins to tear up before heading into the kitchen.

 

_ I sat in the corner helpless as sobs ripped through my body with each soft yelp that came from my puppy’s mouth. _

_ “Stupid, bastard dog,” He screamed, his foot landing on my puppy’s side. I tried to stop him, plead with him, don’t hurt my son, take it out on me instead but, he didn’t listen.  _

_ “I should turn you into dog meat, what use are you?” I bit my lip and winced at a loud crunching noise, shuddering as the soft whines had stopped. He wiped his face clean of the sweat and stepped over my dog. _

_ “I need a drink.” As soon as he was gone, I ran to my puppy and cried in relief to see him still breathing. I wrap him up in my sweatshirt and get into his car after putting the cage with the other two dogs in the backseat. It’s hard to see and my vision is blurry as I hold in tears. _

 

“I like your dog.” A mellow, smooth voice says to me. I look up and see a pale man with big round eyes smiling down at me. His dog, a small, long haired collie, sniffs at my feet and then put it’s paws on my knees. I pat it’s head and it’s eyes twinkle. 

“I’m Kyungsoo and this,” He jiggled the dog’s collar “Is Jeong,” The man sits next to me and stretches out his free hand. I take his hand, his grip is firm and strong like _ his _ . I reach into my pocket and take out a index card and pen.

‘Jongin,’ We sit in comfortable silence until Jeong begins to tug on his leash, whining.

“Well I guess Jeong wants to head home, thank you for letting us sit with you. Can I get your number?” I nod and scribble it under my name. His lips turn up into a heart. “I’ll see you later Jongin,” He waves and then, he’s gone. 

 

_ I touch the small rock and let out a strangled wail. They said he was too fair injured, too badly broken that they couldn’t fix him. My puppies all of them, gone. The other two had been taken to a shelter. My dogs, the only things I loved outside of my family and him. Him. He was too strong and I was truly alone. _

 

That evening as I prepared for bed, I received a text.

‘Hi, Jongin! It’s Kyungsoo from the park I just wanted to tell you that I hope you have a good night.’ He then sends a string of smile emojis and a moon.

‘Thanks, you too!’

‘I was wondering if tomorrow if you aren’t busy if you’d like to get some coffee.’ My face burns.

‘Okay sure, what time?’

‘10 am at Happy Brew?’ I send a thumbs up and a smiley face.

‘Okay see you tomorrow! Sleep well!’

The next morning, I sit at one of the tables sipping on my frappe when he sat down.

“I like your sweater.” He stated. I smiled at him in a silent thank you. “So, what do you like to do?” He laughed as I began to scrawl stuff down. He continued to ask me questions and responded to a few of mine. Before I knew it, the sun was beginning to sit and our stomachs were growling due to lack of food.

“How about I make dinner at my place. I mean some halfway decent kimchi spaghetti.” I nod and let him lead me to his home.

 

_ It was a coffee date. I ordered him black coffee with caramel cream and sugar while I got my usual, a mango pineapple frappe. I sat in a secluded booth my anatomy textbook in my lap as I scrawled down notes from the assigned pages. He slid in across from me and I kept writing. _

_ “What are you working on?” I dropped my pen and wiped my face before taking a sip of my drink. _

_ “Anatomy, I’m thinking about changing my major to become a dance instructor for people with handicaps. Suddenly, he splashed his coffee onto me. I hissed as the hot beverage came in contact with my skin, burning it. _

_ “You think that will bring in money? Are you stupid?” He stood and gripped my shirt collar. “Think about what you’re doing Jongin, this isn’t about you, this is about us.” He stormed out and my eyes fell to the now stained textbook in my lap. _

 

Kyungsoo and I had been on three dates each of which consisted of a multitude of questions like my hobbies, how old I was, if I had any family etc. Kyungsoo it turned out, was a music education major that minored in culinary arts. He was a year older than me and received Jeong as a graduation gift. I told him about how I rescued Monggu and about my niece but not about him. Never about him. A month had passed and when he asked to be my boyfriend I hesitantly said yes. He smiled and asked if I wanted to go to the grocery store with him.

It was pleasant outside, a light breeze blowing the crisp smell of fall into our noses. He held my hand and it was comfortable. When we got there, he tore his grocery list and handed me half.

“These are a few of the basic things, could you grab them for me?” I nodded and watched him walk away. I looked at the list and froze.

Milk.

  
  


_ His grip tightened around my neck as I told him that we were out of milk. _

_ “You whore,” He spat at me and pushed me to the ground. “I told you to get more yesterday.”  _

_ “They didn’t have an-” I sucked in a gasp as he squeezed tighter around my throat. _

_ “Not a sound out of your whore mouth. You’re so ugly and your skin makes you look so poor and stupid.” He growled. I could feel my face turning a different color from lack of oxygen. He released me and I coughed as he grabbed his keys from the table.  _

_ “You’re so fucking useless, why do I keep you around.” He began to tug my pants down, the waistband slipping effortlessly off my hips. _

_ “Look at you, you’re so fat.” He dug his keys into my leg over and over again, covering my mouth as I let out pleas and screams. _

 

“Jongin, can I ask you something?” I looked up from my book to see Kyungsoo looking at me. He looked nervous. I nodded and marked my spot, setting the book aside. He bit his lip.

“It’s just, um, you don’t talk and uh, I wanted to know why.” I must have frozen up because he was quick to add on. “You don’t have to I respect if you don’t.” I didn’t move and I could feel my heart quickening in my chest. I don’t want to make him upset I don’t want to make him angry too. Don’t want him to be like  _ Him _ .

“Hey Jongin, shh it’s okay.” He’s petting my head and I can’t help but let a few tears slip down my cheeks. 

 

_ I sobbed as I looked in the mirror the skin of my face red and blotchy. I had made the mistake of accidentally falling asleep after work and didn’t have dinner made. Not that it mattered, on nights like this, he always ate out, but it made Him angry. I looked at my head, my vision blurry from the tears. The sores had finally stopped bleeding and a few were beginning to scab over. Patches of dark, faded brown stood out, uneven from the now nearly bald surface. Places where he had shaved drunkenly around my neck now stained my shirt and the bed sheets. I’d have to clean those or buy new ones. I raised a clean razor to my head, hands shaking as I began to clear away the remaining hair, hissing as the blades scraped over my wounds.  _

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t bring it up but sometimes, I see him looking at me like Yura did. After four months, I take him to meet my family. My mom makes a nice dinner and invites my sister and her family over. Kyungsoo’s normally round eyes are even bigger and I can’t help but want to make him less nervous and tell him it’s okay, that my family are nice people. My mother asks him a load of questions and I sit waiting for her to finish when my sister pulls me aside.

“Jongin, I know that you’re trying to move on but don’t think you have to move on so quickly.” I nod and she pulls me into a tight hug.

 

_ I grimaced as another plate crashed to the floor. It was my grandmother’s prized china set from Beijing. He grabbed my rest and forced me to my knees on top of the shattered porcelain. _

_ “You clumsy bitch,” He snarled before dropping his drained bottle of soju on the floor. Pieces of glass and china cut my knees and I began to bleed. He pushed my face close to the ground where red had already seeped through my pants. _

_ “Clean it up slut,” I tried to get up to get the broom but he gripped the back of my neck. _

_ “With your tongue,” It hurt, the pain was searing and blood quickly filled my mouth. With a finally, shove, he pushed me into the glass and slammed the front door shut grumbling about needing more alcohol. _

 

Slowly, my belongings begin to migrate into Kyungsoo’s house, even Monggu has a food and water bowl there. We spend more and more time together in quiet more relaxed ways. We read, get coffee together, go out for strolls in the park, walk our dogs, and even grocery shop together. Sure, it is unusual but to me it helps me to forget Him. It’s much more peaceful compared to the dates He would drag me out on. Kyungsoo was always cautious and didn’t try to bring up what my mother said to him.

 

_ “Jonginnie, come out come out wherever you are.” I clamp my mouth shut and fold in more on myself. I can hear Him. His breathing, His expensive shoes clicking against the hardwood floor of our bedroom, the rustling of his suit jacket as he takes it off and throws it on our bed. “Jongin, get your ass out here right now! I’ve had a long day and don’t need it ruined because you want to play these childish games!” I don’t want to respond. _

_ “Yah Chan where’s that beautiful slut of yours? You promised us a good-” I stop listening. The closet is thrown open and I’m dragged out but I feel nothing. Even as my clothes are stripped, even as my skin is bitten and bruised; I am numb. _

 

“Jongin, Jongin wake up,” 

_ “I hope you die you bitch.”  _

“Come on darling it’s getting cold out and I don’t want you to get sick.” 

“ _ You’re so cancerous. Why are you still alive?” _

Kyungsoo was gently shaking me awake. 

_ He was choking me. _

I woke with a start, tears in my eyes and my hands touching my neck. My body heaved and I couldn’t breathe. He pulls me to his chest. 

_ He is cutting my chest. _

“Jongin it’s okay, you’re okay He’s gone you’re safe.”

_ “You told them you bitch I hope you fucking die.” _

He knows. My family must have told him.

_ He knows. He knows that my family found out. _

I’m safe.

_ I’m scared. _

 

After my episode, Kyungsoo draws my a bath and leaves me to relax after putting some jasmine oil into the warm water. He watches me strip, eyes filling with tears as he sees the cuts and scars left from my wounds. I can’t help but shy away from his gaze. I don’t want him to see my scarred and broken body. I sink into the water and he leaves, keeping the door closed allowing me a little privacy.

 

_ Yura, His sister, is first to notice. She notes every time I flinch and comments on how quiet I am. He covers it up saying that I’m just a bit and still a bit sad from the loss of my dogs. She smiles at me sadly and makes an attempt to comfort me but soon, she too has to leave me with Him. He decides to go out and I am stuck with a list of chores to have done before he gets home. Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, making dinner, wiping down the counters, changing the bed sheets. My body is exhausted and is slowing down but my brain keeps saying faster, faster, must work faster. _

 

_ “Jongin, are you okay?” I looked up and saw Sehun, one of the newer kids in my class. I nod. _

_ “Your face, it’s bruised,” He touches my cheek and I flinch. “Did someone hit you?” he can’t know he can’t find out about Him. _

_ “N-no I…. fell.” He looked at me and I could tell he knew I was lying but he just sighed and sat back in his seat. _

_ “Be careful next time ya clutz.” I nodded and sprinted out the door when the bell rang. _

 

I am lying in Kyungsoo’s bed, a fresh pair of sleep pants resting on my hips. Kyungsoo laid next to me, his soft breaths and quiet snores filled my ears with sweet, white noise. He knew all along why I was so shy and quiet. He knew about  _ Him  _ and yet, he didn’t push me aside or take advantage of me. He, loved me.

 

_ “Your mother called, bitch, I hope you didn’t say anything to her.” I shook my head and pulled my hood up further on my healing scalp. “She said that she wanted to meet us for dinner because you haven’t spoken to her in a few months. Suddenly, my hood is being yanked off my head. _

_ “Well, looks like Jongie needs a haircut again.” I look down my face burning in shame. The car ride is silent as he drives us to the restaurant he must have agreed to meet my mother at. I see her. She’s paler than usual and picking at the sequences on her shirt which formed small flowers. When she say us, she smiled and stood up. As we got closer, her face fell in confusion. _

_ “Jongin,” She breathed hands reaching out to touch my skin. “Jongin, what happened to you?” He was quick to answer. _

_ “He’s been stumbling a bit and is under new medication for a waist injury” He lied through his teeth. I nodded and hid behind him, keeping my eyes down so she wouldn’t see me cry. He crushes my wrist under the table and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out.  _

_ “Your sister is having a baby, Jongin.” I smile a little but his under my breath as He stomps on my foot. Later, when Chanyeol is in the restroom, my mother slides over next to me and takes my hand in hers. She presses my quivering palm to her cheek. _

_ “Oh Jongin,” She croons as she pets through my buzzed hair. “What is he doing to you?” _

“Jongin, I want to take you somewhere,” Kyungsoo told me, taking my hand in his. I let him pull me to his car. The city lights dim as we drive past them and after about an hour or so he pulls up to an abandoned house, the windows are faded and yellow, there are weeds and ivy growing on the house too.

“This was Seungsoo’s home, my brother’s home. He was in a similar situation to you except it was his wife.” I could see the tears filling his eyes. “I remember him calling me in the middle of the night saying he needed my help the my nephews were in trouble and that I needed to come pick them up. When I asked why he just pleaded with me then said he had to go and that he loved me. I-I could hear her screaming.” He began to shudder then looked up at the house. “When I got here, it was too late. He was already dead, beaten death protecting his sons. They were twins, Baekbeom and Baekhyun, but when I got there, she-she had killed them.” I reached a hand out and touched his back. “They were so young Jongin, not intended but my brother loved them so much and she, she dropped a curling in the bath.” My face paled and I squeezed his hand. He pulled me to the back of the house and I gasped at the sight of a fenced wall covered in dozens of white carnations. “They were his favorite. They wanted to demolish the house but my parents wouldn’t let them. This is their memorial.” He looked so close to breaking down so I hugged him tightly and rubbed his back as he cried on my shoulder.

 

_ I tell my mother not to worry, that I’ll be okay. It’s pouring rain and he isn’t home yet. We are out of food, the only thing in the fridge is a quarter of butter and four bottles of soju. Shakingly, I write a note saying that I have gone to the store to get food and I’ll be back soon. _

_ I’m looking at cans of soup when it happens. I’m yanked to the floor by my shirt collar and a few cans fall on my legs. His eyes are burning with anger. _

_ “What did I say, you’re already a whore are you stupid too!?” He grabs my wrist and I cry out. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a mother leading her crying son away from us. I want to beg them to help me, save me, but His hands around my mouth and I can’t move. He drags me to the back of the store and effortlessly tosses me against a stack of boxes, as if I am a rag doll. He pounces fists pounding into my side, hands ripping out what little hair I had left. Red fills my sight and I see people running in, grabbing Him off of me. Then, my world goes black. _

 

When we get home, Kyungsoo goes immediately to bed clearly upset and exhausted after explaining everything that happened in his past. I begin to boil a light soup and bake some crescent rolls. The kitchen smells heavenly and draws the dogs in. Jeong begins to bark and rotate in circles at my feet while Monggu sits there, his tongue out as he drools. I laugh a little and make them each a small bowl. I gently rub in between their ears and giggle a bit louder. Kyungsoo’s soft voice interrupts me and I jump.

“You should laugh more Jongin, it suits you.”

 

_ I was sent to a hospital where my family and the police came to see me. They told me that He was being charged with a case of domestic violence saying that he could be imprisoned 30 plus years. They also said that I was one of the worst cases they had on file. My mother sits with me in the dark and squeezes my hand when I can’t sleep for one more night. My sister brings her newborn daughter and I cry when the squirming baby is laid on my chest. Everyone is trying to comfort me, tell me that I was safe, but I still didn’t feel it. I felt as if He could show up and punish me for them finding out. _

 

“Are you sure you want this, Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks and I nod. I’m lying on my back, my clothes removed and tossed aside along with Kyungsoo’s shirt. It was our two year anniversary and I wanted to do something special for him so, I practiced. It hurt at first, my body not used to the stretch anymore and I would cry out silently as I tried to prep myself once or twice a week. Eventually I was able to add another finger followed by another but despite all my preparation, I was still terrified. Kyungsoo kissed my cheek and pressed slight pecks down my neck.

“You must warn me if you need to stop.” He murmured and waited for me to respond. I nodded and pressed my lips to his as fingers grazed my inner thighs.

“If you feel any pain at all, get my attention, okay?” He is touching me and at first memories of _Him_ flood my mind but they leave as quickly as they come as Kyungsoo’s fingers gently stretch me and as he kisses away the pain and the tears that gather in the corners of my eyes. 

 

_ “Jongin?” I look up and see my mother standing in the doorway with two policemen. “Jongin, they just want to ask you about what happened to you.” I shook my head and looked down trying my hardest not to cry. Her hand touches my shoulder and my eyes squeeze shut. “They just want to know about everything Chanyeol-” Not Him please not Him. There’s a blaring noise and my room is suddenly full of people but it doesn’t matter as He is breathing down my neck, He is touching my skin, burning it with his hands. I am stuck and He is right next to me holding me here pressing his fingers into my wrists, forcing my eyelids to close. _

 

“Jongin, lets go out.” I look at him, nod, and get to my feet marveling at how much I trust him. In the car, he plays some english singer named Frank something and I relax as his melodious voice fills my ears. He drives for a while and soon, the lights of the city and the noise of traffic were far behind us. He pulls up on the side of a hill and smiles at me.

“Are you ready Nini?” He asks and I look at him confused before he gets a thick quilt from the back seat and gets out. I follow suite and soon we’re standing under a tree. He lays the blanket down and pulls me down next to him. He kisses my cheek.

“Look up.” He whispers and when I do, I gasp. The sky is twinkling with bright lights and it’s beautiful.

“When I was younger, Seungsoo used to tell me the stars were made of diamonds and when someone truly loves a person, they go to the stars to bring them back the most precious gift.” He shifts onto on of his knees and I sit up, tears gathering at the corners of my eyes.

“While I can’t go to the stars, I love you to the moon and back.” He helps me to my feet and reaches into his pocket only to produce a small, velvet box

“Kim Jongin, I love you so much. Will you be mine forever.” I am sobbing now and I push myself further than I have before. I open my mouth and I’m frightened at how it sounds but I let out a quiet and mangled noise.

“Y-yes.”


End file.
